


Players Gonna Play

by cyrene



Series: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Tabletop Gaming, Dialogue-Only, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 11:30:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5289068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyrene/pseuds/cyrene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what happens when you sit around a table and start rolling dice to determine things. Featuring blatant character class bigotry, pathetic failures, shameful insults to the noble boomerang, high levels of snark, and OH MY GOD, STOP PULLING LEVERS!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Players Gonna Play

**Author's Note:**

> Read this series in order, or it will make literally no sense. Hell, this installment might not make sense anyway. This is what it feels like to listen to people play. What is even happening here? I really need to stop experimenting with style. I'm a freaking menace. I left the chapters open for potential, though, just in case anyone else finds this as amusing as I do.
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving to the Americans, happy Not-Friday-Yet to everyone else. I'm going to sleep, stuff my face, then hopefully post an actual thing later today, possibly tomorrow. (I swear. Not like last time. It's already ready.)

 

 

_Okay, so where did we leave off last time? You’re exploring the temple. It’s dark and shadowy in here, but you can see that there’s a hallway that runs east and west, here, a door to the north covered with a swirling pattern of copper tubes, and a doorway to the south that leads to a path along the cliff, which has a nice view of the canyon._

 

“Can we open the door?”

 

_Nope._

 

“How deep is the canyon?”

_It’s a pretty big drop, Aang._

 

“If I take my glider…”

_Yeah, why don’t you try that out and see how well it works for you? I, your living god, just descended from on high to hint that maybe it’s not such a good idea._

 

“Yeah, you contemplate gravity for a while if you want. I’m taking a look around in here.”

 

“Me too.”

_Okay, Lee and Katara, roll perception._

 

“Yeah, me too.”

 

_ All right _ _, everybody who’s looking around, just roll perception, okay? Lee?_

 

“Uh, 14?”

 

“Ppfhhh!”

 

“What?!”

 

“Nothing. Nothing at all. I got a 28.”

_Suki? Toph?_

 

“25.”

 

“22.”

_All right. Katara, Suki, and Toph, you see a dusty old chest in the corner, and a series of levers along this wall here. Katara, you notice that the design on the northern door is actually an airbending lock, and there’s a nest of hermit crab-mice in the corner. Lee, it’s really dark in here, but you notice that Katara’s shoe is untied._

 

“Gee, aren’t you helpful? It’s so useful having a firebender around!”

 

“Hey, you might wanna take care of that before you trip. I hear there’s a pretty deep canyon around here, and I’d hate for you to trip, slip on your own bending water, and fall to your death.”

 

“Yeah, thanks for that. Maybe you should get back to looking for your honor, and leave this to the professionals.”

 

“Yeah, I’m right on it.”

_Guys. Seriously. What are you doing?_

 

“Hey, I wanna see what those levers do!”

 

 “NO!”

 

“Oh my god _,_ Twinkletoes, what is wrong with you?! Did you already forget what happened last time?”

 

“Lee was okay in the end! Katara healed him just fine!”

 

“Kid, you touch those levers and I’m hitting you with a fire-whip. I mean that literally. I’m going to find a whip and light it on fire.”

 

“You children play nice while I freeze open the lock on this chest.”

_Roll for it._

 

“33?”

_You got it. Inside is a pouch with five gold, twenty silver, and six copper, a health potion, three scrolls, and a masterwork boomerang._

 

“A boomerang? Yeah, that’s useful.”

_Shut up, Toph, boomerangs are the shit._

 

“No, boomerangs are lame as hell.”

_You know what? Lightning strikes your character and you die._

 

“What are the scrolls?”

_It’s a bunch of airbending scrolls, obviously very old and delicate. They show airbending forms and exercises and stuff._

 

“We could probably get a lot of money for those, if we found the right buyer.”

 

“Suki! We can’t do that! How am I supposed to rebuild the Air Temples later if we sell off priceless Air Nomad artifacts?”

 

“You’re never going to rebuild the Air Temples if we all starve to death before we can defeat the Fire Lord!”

 

“Toph has a point.”

 

“Guys, just let him keep the scrolls. We can find other stuff to sell. Suki, you hold on to the health potion and the boomerang. Lee, be useful and light some torches already. Aang, open the airbender lock. Toph, keep your feet alert and let us know if anyone’s coming.”

_Yeah, hang on a minute; I have to go get a snack._

 

“Get me some pork rinds!”

 

_How do you even…?_

 

“Dude, I can smell them from here.”

 

“Pork rinds? That’s gross, Toph.”

 

“Whatever, Doogie. You have no taste.”

 

“No, Katara’s right; pork rinds are gross.”

_Suki, I am deeply hurt by this betrayal. You’re lucky I don’t strike you with lightning too. Shoh war yah dooneh?_

 

“Ugh, gross. How are we even related?!”

 

“And translated to English, that means…?”

_Sorry. Delicious pork rinds. I said, “So what’re you doing next?”_

 

“I think Aang should open the door now.”

 

“Maybe Suki should check for traps first…?”

 

“Ha! Good idea, Hero. Wouldn’t want a repeat of the Fire Sages.”

 

“29 to perception, sweetie.”

_You don’t_ see _any traps. You think._

 

“Well, that’s a fucking comfort.”

 

“Hey, why don’t you stop nay-saying and go help Katara tie her shoes again?”

_Aang?_

 

“All right, I’m going to use ‘Burst of Wind’ on the lock.”

_Roll for it._

 

“Ouch, 19!”

_No, that’s good enough. Your burst of wind enters the locking mechanism through a hole, winding its way through a series of copper tubes, flipping the circular portions, turning several sections of disconnected tubing so they line up with the rest of the system. After a few moments, everything lines up correctly and the wind comes out the other end of the tubing system. The lock opens and the door creeps open just a bit. What’s next?_

 

“Are you sure we shouldn’t see what those levers --”

 

“OH MY GOD _,_ AANG!”

 

“Seriously?!”

_Aang, is that what you’re doing?_

 

“No… I guess not. We can go into the temple vault.”

_The vault is huge. Like, seriously, enormous. It’s fairly dark, so you can’t see the opposite wall from where you’re standing. Of course, you can’t see more than five feet in front of you, so that’s not surprising._

 

“Oh no, that’s terrible! Whatever will we do without the ability to see?”

 

_Toph… seriously… can you... just... seriously?_

 

“Hand-held flame?”

_Roll it._

 

“24.”

_You have an adorable little ball of flame hovering over your hand, lighting the way for you. You can see an extra fifteen feet in every direction._

 

“You guys want to take a look around?”

 

“Yeah. I want to grab one of those torches before I go in, though. Not all of us can make fire out of nothing!”

 

“Don’t be such a wet blanket Kat. Weren’t you just complaining that Lee wasn’t being useful enough?”

 

“Hey, she could have tripped and scraped her knee if I hadn’t been on point, there.”

 

“Yeah, you’re a real doll.”

_All right, are you guys going in or not?_

 

“Sure, I’m in. What do I see?”

_Roll perception. Katara, don’t laugh at the firebender. It’s not nice._

 

“Ugh…”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Does every party have a THAT GUY, or is it just mine? Aang, I love you, but don't be THAT GUY. Don't touch those levers. Don't jump off of things when you don't know how far you'll fall. DON'T KICK THE FUCKING ROCK. Don't ignore advice from the god behind the screen. Just don't do it, bebe.


End file.
